Agent Lily Evans: Mission James Potter
by serpentine-f
Summary: Lily Evans is an MI6 agent spying on the Marauders, a notorious criminal organization headed by a James Potter. In the middle of an apocalypse, J & L are thrust together in situations that make them question what is right and what is wrong. REWRITE.
1. prologue

**A/N - Don't kill me again...please. I've just realized how confusing this all actually is. I mean, I knew it was confusing, but...when I tried reading it myself, I was like, oh shit, no wonder people are complaining! Hence, the reposting.**

******Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author's imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Except, maybe, Chopsticks and Jade.**  


**

* * *

**

**prologue**

_**Lily**_

10 / 3 / 2008

**Name:** James Potter

**Age:** 25

**Description**

**Hair:** Black and messy

**Eyes:** Hazel

**Status:** Head of the criminal organization, the Marauders.

**Past:** His late father was a wealthy businessman with honest dealings, his mother was a reporter. Both mysteriously died in a car accident when he was fourteen, leaving him a huge fortune, making him the richest under twenty(after Princes William and Harry) in a decade.

**Study achievements: **Went to Eton, was a straight-A student, fabulous at all sports, with an IQ of 170. Read documents 9.1 to 9.3 for information on his studies and 9.4 on the mysterious arson that followed him.

N/B- His life after Eton is hazy and currently unknown.

**Known facts:**

He is a serial killer

He has killed thousands, including Russia's two-time Olympic gold-medalist, Irun Fasta, pop star Nicola Ryder, to name a few. Each separate case is elaborated in documents 5.1 to 7.9

He has a brother, Eric Potter, who is currently the head of MI6: Special Operations.

**Further investigation**: In current construction by MI6 officer, Lily Rosalea Evans.

"Are you ready, Miss Evans?" asked Eric Potter, his deceptively innocent blue eyes full of concern, "I know my brother. He isn't someone you can just walk in and manipulate. You have to be properly prepared."

"Yes", answered Lily determinedly, "I have prepared myself for one year for this investigation. We need to bring the Marauders down. They are a threat to all humankind, and this is the only way."

James Potter is the biggest criminal in criminal past and present. He is the head of the criminal organization "the Marauders" and founded it with his friends Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. He is handsome and charming, but don't let that fool you. Do that and you may end up killed by the many enemies of him.

MI6 have decided to send a spy into the Marauders. Their idea is to catch all the "marauders" and put them behind bars. Though this is a dangerous case, to avoid suspicion, the perfect spy would be a woman. Therefore, Lily was chosen.

Beware guys, these grounds you are walking in has been prepared by Aphrodite, goddess of love. It is her territory. Of love and the thin line between love and hate. You have been warned.

* * *

_**James**_

**Name:** Lily Rosalea Evans

**Age:** 24

**Description:**

Hair - waist- ength, wavy, dark red Eyes - almond- shaped, emerald green eyes Height - 5'6 Size - petite

**Status:** Previously an MI6 field officer, she was disintegrated to desk duty after two major operations gone awry.

N/B- Is said to have a rebellious personality. Keep in sight.

**Past:** Parents both from "wrong" side of the track. Mother was an escaped convict while father was an assassin-turned-police. Read document 17.1 for more information on Mr and Mrs Evans.

**Other:**

Expert marksman and fighter.

A brilliant actress. Has caught the attention of Steven Spielberg.

Extremely intelligent. Received a scholarship to Oxford for psychology. Reports in document 13.5

**Marital status:** Currently single

**N/B- A possible recruit. Wait and see if fate comes our way.**

James Potter put down the file on Lily Evans and smiled. He added a note on the bottom: **Heading the way of the Marauders. Coming soon.**

Things had been going great for the Marauders all along, but now MI6's one-time best spy had contacted them. What luck!

Lily Rosalea Evans. The best agent MI6 would ever have, but gave up.

It was a good day. Scratch that, a _great_ fucking day. James couldn't wait to see his "brother" Eric taken down. _What brother?_ He thought disgustedly. They had never gotten along and it made sense they would end up working for opposing sides.

The Marauders had been keeping an eye out for possible recruits for some time. MI6/ 5, KGB, CIA beware. Do NOT fire rebellious agents; they might find their way to the other side.

Marauders- 1, MI6- 0. _Or so they thought._

But then again everything is subjective.

Four hours later found James getting dressed for the meeting with Miss Lily Evans that was to be held in the Agean Beach Suites, a 6-star hotel in Sicily. He narcissistically tried out a grin towards himself in the mirror as he straightened the tie on his Armani suit when suddenly his best friend Sirius came into his room looking serious and solemn and passed a large, innocent- looking white envelope to him.

The envelope contained the following:

2 pictures

1 report

No, not just "two pictures and a report". Two pictures which were evidence which were to prove what the report had to say. _What did it say?_

Hm…

* * *

**What do you think so far?**


	2. chapter one

**A/N - Dooo youuu likeee?**

******Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author's imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Except probably Jade and Chopsticks.

* * *

**

**chapter one**

_**Jade & Chopsticks**_

A punch.

A crack.

A wince.

Agent Poisson flinched at the fight between what seemed to be two little girls.

One was little and the other…was also little.

So maybe they were _both_ little, shoot her.

One had green hair and the other had turquoise hair. There now, at least she could tell which was which.

Basically, they were like, _tiny_. About five feet tall. They had scary voices.

One shrieked, "Stewie is awesome!" Strangle.

The other screamed back, "So are cookies!" Slap.

"You wouldn't say that if you made cookies nonstop for three days!" Punch.

"Why would I make cookies nonstop for three days?" Blink.

"…uh," Turquoise frowned. "You wouldn't. Hm. That seems to be a problem."

"Oh well," they hugged each other and skipped off.

Agent Poisson's eyes bugged out at that last bit. She had been sent to break up a supposed fight between two "delinquents" outside some Spanish clothing store on Oxford Street. Fight? Delinquents? The two kids had been arguing about _cookies_, for god's sake. Still, according to a passerby, they had been "fighting" for the past two hours.

Fights did not usually end with hugs and skipping.

Sighing, Agent Poisson shuffled off to get a coffee, weary, tired, bored.

She was weary because she hated her job like Yahoo! hated Google. She was sick and tired of the filing, bored to death of the office work. Sometimes she even wanted to die.

Poisson had actually originally trained to be a CID. Her parents had both been lawyers and she had wanted to help the world like they did. But it was only when she had come home on her eighteenth birthday to see them both dead that she knew what she wanted to be. The world had decided for her, she was to be a police.

When she had been suggested for MI6, well, all the better, right?

_Wrong_.

Who knew she was to be doing office work? Who knew she was not to been doing anything substantial? Who knew she wouldn't get to revenge justice upon the evil creatures of society?

_Who knew, indeed_.

"Fishy!" A loud shrieking interrupted her thoughts.

Poisson had hardly turned around to see where the voice had come from when suddenly she was being strangled.

"Mmph…gguhhh…whhguh…grhoff!" Poisson mumbled from somebody's hands. She gently pried the hands off and whirled the person to a seat beside Poisson.

"You!" she couldn't help but gasp.

"Yes, me," the turquoise-haired girl replied, staring at Poisson with her huge, childlike eyes. She pouted innocently, "Who did you expect? Paul?"

Poisson blinked once, twice, then a third time. "Who's Paul?"

The girl sighed. "Hm, nevermind. So, you're like a police, right?"

Poisson stared at her without blinking. "Whhat?"

"I'd like to report a robbery," the kid said seriously.

"A robbery?" Poisson repeated disbelievingly.

"Well, five, actually," Turquoise admitted. "But technicalities don't matter."

Poisson was amused now, "Pray, tell, kid."

"Okay, one: Chopsticks is gonna kidnap Paul and kill him!" Turquoise cried.

Poisson couldn't help but laugh at this. "Honey, it's not a robbery if it hasn't happened yet."

"It _has_ happened! In the future! It's a definite thing! You can't just discriminate towards this situation just because it "hasn't happened yet"! How do you know it hasn't? Maybe the future is just an alternate universe we will visit in the future! And now you can jail Chopsticks! We shall kill that alternate universe! Maybe then Paul won't die by my – no, her hand!"

Poisson patted the girl's back, "Dear, dear. Calm down. Right now, we don't have evidence to jail the girl with."

"Hm, you're right," Turquoise agreed. "But I do have evidence for another case!"

"That being?"

"Chopsticks stole my cookies!" she wailed.

"Who _is _Chopsticks, kid?"

"Uh," Turquoise blinked. "Uh. Uh…she's an evil, bloodsucking vampire witch!"

Poisson sighed in distress. She was getting nowhere with this kid.

"Why don't you go home, dear?" she suggested gently. "I'm sure your parents are looking for you…"

"You don't believe me!" Turquoise wailed. "I hate you! I hate-"

"No, of course, I believe you," Poisson hurriedly told her. "Except…it's rather late…" It was six o'clock. "…and I'm sure your parents are looking for you…" She wouldn't, if she were Turquoise's parents. "…so, yeah."

"Well," said Turquoise calmly. "Your certainty is something to trust, alright," she continued sarcastically.

Poisson groaned inwardly, "What's wrong?"

"My parents are back home," Turquoise explained.

Poisson didn't see any problem with that.

"…which is in a different continent," Turquoise further explained, seeing Poisson's expression. "Chopsticks and me...we came here by ourselves to stalk Anthony Horowitz."

Poisson had been under the impression that she and this supposed Chopsticks had been enemies.

"That was _before_ I realized her evil plan," Turquoise went on. "Now I have nowhere to stay…We had an apartment in Camden Town, but she stole my keys and it'd take like, _forever_ to lodge a complaint to the authorities, not to mention that it's six, already. They'd all be closed."

Poisson had closed her eyes somewhere in the middle of Turquoise's rant and massaged her temples before sighing and finally saying, "Do you need a place to stay?"

Turquoise's eyes widened in surprise as she said, "Seriously? I'd rather not sleep on the road tonight."

"Do you…" Poisson started wearily. She wasn't exactly what you would call a children person. "…do you want to stay at my place for a bit?"

"Oh, yes!" Turquoise jumped up and down happily. "That would be so great! Thank you! Thank you! My name is Jade, by the way!"

Staring at the hyperactive little girl in front of her, Poisson couldn't help but think that maybe, it had been a bad idea.

* * *

_**Eric**_

Eric Potter had always been sneaky, but he could never beat his brother at the skill; James somehow always knew all that he did. Sadly, the same could not be said for Eric, which probably explained the report stolen by the Marauders' inside man at MI6.

Apparently, Eric Potter was going to "keep an eye" on the Marauders. Meaning that the Marauders had to watch out, be more secretive.

But one thing you must remember. It's easy to let you guard down. You don't notice, you don't know, you will just lose. You can't make sure of anything, you will just lose. But you may lose anyway… or maybe not?

Lily Evans was a double agent and she was out for Marauder blood.

Sometimes, one little thing makes a great difference. Very much like how one little thing the goddess Aphrodite, of love, is going to do, is going to change everything. The exchange of the truth. The one and only.

I digress. Basically, the meeting went quite well for both parties, but it left James Potter with confusion and Lily Evans with slight doubts.

* * *

_**Lily**_

Lily didn't find James Potter that bad, actually. He'd seemed pretty normal to her. Nice, even, but that might have been her imagination.

Whatever it was, James Potter didn't seem megalomania level. Her instincts told her that the most evil this guy could do was prank a schoolmate – that he did that often, even. But carry out all the history in his files? Not…really…

Frustratingly, Lily somehow felt that she was missing out on something. As a licensed psychologist from Oxford, her first impression of James was a mischievous little boy and that did not an evil criminal make.

The first thing she noticed about him was his eyes. They were sort of amber, framed with long, dark lashes. He had the most perfect nose, the most luscious soft, full lips and messyish dark hair and the first thought Lily had of him was that he was very pretty.

"Lily Rosalea Evans," he greeted her the second he noticed her and gave her an easy grin that Lily's intuition found out of place.

She noticed that his eyes shone emerald in the violet light and childishly cursed whatever force up there that gave James Potter prettier eyes than hers. Bloody hell, she wanted those eyes.

She ignored him and sat down disdainfully. Pretty boy raised his eyebrows at her silence before crossing his arms and leaning back against the chair as if waiting for something, which he probably was.

Five minutes passed by where Pretty boy inspected his nails as if they were the most interesting thing in the world and Lily just coldly stared ahead.

Finally she acknowledged him. "What do you want to talk about: mushrooms, Chi-Chi or Paul?"

Curious, James leaned forward on his arms and asked, "Chi-Chi?"

"Haven't you read about him in my file? Chi-Chi was a pig-shaped plush toy," Lily replied, sounding annoyed.

"You mean Chili?" James asked sceptically.

"The _hell. _We called him Chi-Chi," Lily snapped, her eyes flashing. "He was _my_ toy."

"Okay…" James held up his arms in surrender. "So…Paul?"

"He's an octopus. People claimed that he predicted UEFA this year."

James raised his eyebrows again, "You want some calamari?"

"Very funny," Lily replied calmly. A waiter filled her glass with wine from a decanter and she took a sip from it.

Pretty boy took it as his cue to drink from his glass too. Their eyes met and silent words were exchanged.

"I have the documents set up upstairs, if you would follow me later…" Pretty boy suggested.

Lily shrugged, body language exuding "uninterested", but agreed anyway.

"You know, your brother sucks," Lily casually mentioned some time into their conversation about Mac and Windows. ("Windows sucks donkey balls"-"You can't play a lot of computer games on Macs"-"Install a partition, or something….wait a minute - _You_ play computer games?"-"I really have nothing better to do. I have the most boring job of filing information")

Pretty boy blinked. "Who?"

"There's no need to hide it from me, dear," Lily rolled her eyes. "I file information now, remember? That, and I have a stalking problem."

James grinned suddenly. "So you stalked me," he stated.

"No, it's in your file," Lily rolled her eyes. "Actually, it's in _his _file. Eric."

James glanced up sharply. "Do you know him personally?"

"Eric?" Lily repeated. "He was nice, for a while. But then I learned that you can trust no one." Her eyes clouded over with slight hurt and James unwillingly found himself wondering what had actually gone down.

No one spoke after that and they remained in a comfortable silence until the food arrived.

"I took the liberty of ordering for you," James explained, somehow apologetic.

Lily shrugged it off and took a mouthful of her Greek salad.

"This is good," Lily looked up and saw James anxiously looking at her to gauge her reaction to the food and she giggled.

"Isn't it?" James asked rhetorically.

After a delicious desert of baklava, Lily followed Pretty boy up to his room to sign the papers in privacy.

"You know…" she breathed as she signed her name to a future of treachery and deception. It was time to prettify her story.

"Yeah?" Pretty boy said distractedly. He was staring at his nails again. He seemed to be in love with them.

Lily bit her lip as if suddenly deciding to clam up, before finally replying.

"Eric was the guy who demoted me to desk duty."

* * *

_**James**_

"Eric was the guy who demoted me to desk duty."

James looked up at the pretty, jaded Lily ("It's Miss Evans to you!") Evans who stood to his front and stared in momentary shock as he heard the words.

Snorting inwardly, he curiously wondered, _What kind of shit is Eric up to now?_

_

* * *

_

**Reviewreviewreview! I'm high on Famous Amos! Wheeeeee!**


	3. chapter two

**A/N - Sorry, people. I kind of planned on updating everyday until we got back to where we last stopped, but yesterday...**

**I don't really recall what happened. Never mind...**

**Onward.**

**********Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author's imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Except probably Jade and Chopsticks.**  


**

* * *

**

**chapter two**

_**Lily**_

Who am I?

What am I?

Will I ever know?

On the outside, cruel, hard angles, rough, solid colours form furious emotions. The exterior of the prison is sprayed full of graffiti and the colours are pretty. On the other hand, the interior walls are painstakingly, meticulously painted with hope and repentance, masterpieces of the inmates.

Which one is true art?

How can we ever know?

"This was my spot," said James, grinning. He pointed to a bit of the wall that was painted with a lion, a fox, a giraffe, a lynx, a swan, a unicorn and an arrow.

Lily stared at him. They had flown back to England after the meeting and immediately following, James had dragged her to a long vacated prison.

Valor Voctonn Union Prison was one that had encouraged therapy and rehabilitation for the inmates. It had once taken in homeless volunteers, at a separate wing from the inmates, of course. Its origin was with two women – good friends Serena Valor, who had been into psychiatry and Lazar Voctonn, who had gone into medicine, which had been unusual for their time. Valor and Voctonn had had a vision of healing criminals, rather than simply punishing them as they had thought the idea of merely judging what the aforementioned criminals deserve highly hypocritical.

Some said that the two had added a "union" behind their names as they had been a couple, but nobody knew for sure. It wasn't as if people publicly announced their homosexuality during their time.

VVU had started off as a last-resort prison, where the worst of the worst were sent, but with time, officials realized that these criminals gradually improved. Some of them even got released and so they started sending to VVU felons with a lesser offence. The last couple of decades VVU was in working order, most of its inmates were underage dealers and teenage gang members.

In recent years, VVU had become a cultural monument, a place to visit. Tourists liked exploring the murals by the one-time criminals and Serena's and Lazar's hard work had now deteriorated into a simple tourist attraction, nothing more.

What had happened? Nothing, but a fire in '99...

The thing was, James claimed he had been an inmate at Valor Voctonn. Lily didn't know what to think, because, well, why the _fuck_ would a mob boss leader tell her, a new recruit, that he'd been in prison before? That he'd drawn _unicorns_ and _swans_. Fucking _unicorns_.

"I drew that arrow back in…March, '98," James carefully concentrated on said arrow. "The tenth. My parents died on that day the previous year. It was something to remember them by."

The arrow pointed to the sky. Lily supposed that it was gesturing to Mr and Mrs Potter in the heavens. It was a pretty arrow. In fact, all the drawings were pretty and intricate. That made another reason for her to hate James Potter. He was clearly talented.

Still. What was all this about Valor Voctonn? Lily didn't remember anything in James' file about his ever having gone to jail, had she missed something?

"Did you know," said James amiably, dragging Lily from her thoughts, "Valor Voctonn Union is an anagram of the line 'non torno vivo alcun' from Dante's Inferno."

Lily blinked and stared, "Oh. How long did you spend in here?" Question: Was it ironic that the inmates painted stuff like swans and unicorns on the inside wall, while non-inmates graffitied the outside walls, or wasn't it?

James raised his eyebrows, "Why, I thought you would've known already. Stalker, stalkee." He pointed to Lily first, then himself.

"Oh, well," he then shrugged. "Let's go back now. Our pilot's waiting," he gestured to a direction from which a helicopter's whirring sounded.

"Wait, what? We're going now?" Lily asked, not sounding very sure of herself.

"Yeah," said James, 理所当然edly. "Hey, you want to stop by anywhere for some food?"

"Uh, no? Thanks?" Lily had no idea what was going on.

James shrugged, "Suit yourself. It's gonna be a long ride back."He turned around and headed to the helicopter. Lily gathered that she was supposed to follow and did so.

In the vehicle, she wondered to herself, _Who was James Potter? Was he alright in the head? Why the hell did he bring her to a prison on a whim?_

_

* * *

_

_**Eric**_

Everything was perfect, according to plan.

The thing was, Eric Potter _hated_ his brother. Whatever James did, he always managed to get out of it unscathed. People said that it was a Potter family trait – their father had been lucky like that too – but Eric could hardly care less what people said.

The one thing he cared about was the fact that James had never gotten his rightful punishment…

In fact, it had been the one constant nagging thought inside his head for the past ten-plus years. Eric Potter wanted justice and justice he would get.

Agent Lily Evans was a Marauder now and for that, Eric Potter was overjoyed. Lily was a nice girl. Whatever happened with James, he was sure she would understand and help him with his case at the end of the day.

He could finally crack the fort surrounding the Marauders now! He was sure that his plan would work this time.

With that optimistic thought in his head, he walked to the pantry for some coffee.

Then it hit him.

As he stepped into the little room, he remembered.

He remembered what had gone down that day and he cried. He leant against the wall and cried. Suddenly, his legs couldn't hold his weight any longer and he crumpled to the ground.

And that was how the cleaner-lady found him two hours later.

* * *

_**Jade & Chopsticks**_

It was late at night and Fishy was asleep.

Jade crept out of her makeshift bed on the couch and rifled through shelf after shelf of files. She was clearly looking for something.

And then she paused suddenly, as she stared at a file she held in her hands. She withdrew a tiny, shiny device from her pocket and dialed a number.

"Chopsticks, we've got a situation on our hands…"

* * *

_**Lily**_

Back at MI6 headquarters early the next morning, Lily typed in a search on James Potter and VVU prison. She reread his file while waiting for the computer to retrieve the information.

Strange. She had been right. There was no mention of James Potter having gone to prison at all. Earlier, she thought she might have missed it…maybe she could have misplaced a page…but as she checked the file now, she realized that whoever had compiled this file had either known nothing about VVU or neglected to mention it on purpose.

James had been sent off to boarding school after his parents' death, to honour his late parents' wishes as stated in their will. Between the years of 1997 and 1999 he had attended Harrow in London and there was evidence to prove he had been at school on the night he claimed he had painted the arrow.

At 1832 hours on the 10th of March, 1998 the Potter library at Harrow burned down.

James Potter could not have been at VVU prison at any point in the morning for him to have time to go to Harrow and burn down a building at six in the evening.

This meant that either:

a) James had been lying about VVU,

b) There was a third party involved somewhere,

or

c) Both of the above was true

Somehow, Lily had a feeling it was c).


	4. chapter three

**************A/N - So. I rock at Art and Literature. Easiest, most fun subjects, ever. Until you get homework. *gasps***

**************See. I had this thing...an Art project on masks. Anyone wants to help me? That way you'll get faster updates...**

**************Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author's imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Especially Jade and Chopsticks.

* * *

**

************chapter three

_**Eric**_

They wanted to kill the US president.

Eric Potter stared at the report in his hands. That Lily Evans was a god at digging out information. She of the modern 21st century called it stalking, but it was what it was – great sleuthing.

Of course, without his, Eric's brain, the information wouldn't have been any use.

The Prime Ministers of the world and the US president were to hold a conference in D.C, four days from now. There had been a major scandal recently, someone had leaked information to the net about suicide bombers who had announced attack on Commonwealth countries.

As of the previous day, Australia had gotten what they were promised but never agreed to.

The suicide bomber had died of course, but the man-in-charge for the operation had been close by. Of course, not so close that he would have been killed by the bomb. Australian authorities had caught the man and detained him for questioning.

So far Peter, as the man claimed his name was, had refused to give out any information except for the name of the gang who he belonged to.

"The Marauders," he said.

But it was a lie. It was _all _a lie.

Sometimes, Eric wondered to himself, why didn't he just give up on James? Eric felt that he should just shoot him, or something. It would make everything easier…

But no, he couldn't. Every time, he remembered his parents dying wishes and it solidified his mission. He couldn't just let James get away with it.

He picked up the shiny, red phone at his table and dialed a number.

"Agent Rosewood."

"Fuck that Agent crap and get to work, Mikey. I've got a shitload of directives I want you to carry out for the U.S. conference. Send Poisson up to grab the files."

"The U.S. conference, Agent Potter? I didn't think-"

"We're MI6, Mikey. International affairs. Or did you want me to send you back to spy school again? And I'm sure I told you to shut it with that 'Agent' shit. Either do that, or change your name to Nike," Eric suddenly laughed. It sounded like a cross between a snort and a giggle.

"Wh-what, boss?"

"You're like a tick. Annoying," Eric sniggered and hung up.

"Agent Potter?" someone knocked on his door.

Eric rolled his eyes, "Come in."

Agent Poisson nervously entered the room. She had been a recent addition to Eric's team. She was in charge of desk duty at the moment, but she was efficient at her work and Eric was sure she would get her promotion sometime soon.

"Pass these to Mikey," Eric gestured to the neat pile of files he had prepared to hand to Agent Mike Rosewood. "Thanks."

"The U.S. conference?" Poisson repeated, sounding confused. "But-" Eric cut her off.

"What _about_ the conference?" he exploded. "Why does everyone keep questioning me about it? I tell you what to do, you do your job. That is your duty. Get?"

"But, um, Agent Potter? Hasn't the conference been cancelled? I was under the impression that the Americans are having their own problems at the moment. Their president was rushed to South Africa for an emergency meeting this morning. Weren't you the one who sent us the memorandum?" Poisson asked carefully.

"I-" Eric started, shocked. "No, it wasn't me. I was just on the phone with the U.S. president. He was in D.C. just a second ago."

"Find out which agent sent that prank to the office!" Eric barked. "He will have to face the consequences of giving false information in my name."

Poisson jumpily placed a piece of paper on his desk, "Here's a copy of the memo, you know, if you need it."

After she was gone, Eric picked up the memo and read through. Funny, it sounded exactly like how he, Eric Potter would have written it. He turned it around and was rewarded with four words, all capital, in red. He casually rubbed his left index finger in exasperation.

Before it hit him what the words said, he idly wondered to himself, _Now, why would Agent Poisson have a copy of these at hand if she thought that I had received one already…_

THE MARAUDERS STRIKE AGAIN

* * *

_**Jade & Chopsticks**_

_Chopsticks was mad._

She was livid.

And so she had retrieved a Windows Mobile 6.5.5 from out of nowhere and was hitting it repeatedly.

The screen of the device was cracked and its insides were flowing out. Its motherboard, you could see, was in seven pieces.

Chopsticks had originally intended to smash the device to smithereens with a hammer but realized that she actually needed a real hammer to achieve that effect.

Apparently plastic toy hammers that she stole from Toys 'R Us weren't meant to be used on phones, no matter how despicable.

What had caused all this? The sight of Jade's iPod Touch on the table. Chopsticks was so angry at Jade, she had almost smashed her iPod instead. But, you know, an iPod Touch was…well, an _iPod Touch_. It was Apple. She could not, just could not bear to kill any Apple device.

Except maybe the iPad. Because the iPad was for old people and sucked.

Her silent phone suddenly rang behind her and she paused in her Windows-Mobile-disemboweling to pick it up.

"If you are Bill Gates, I shall kill you; if you are not, I will probably kill you anyway," she smiled pleasantly at the phone.

"Chopsticks," the exasperated voice of Jade replied. "We've got a situation on our hands. Please do not tell me that you're hitting something Windows again."

Chopsticks shrugged. She knew that Jade was joking. "What's the matter?"

"The matter? Everything. My problem? You."

Chopsticks frowned. Wait – _huh?_

"I do not understand," she said regally.

Jade blinked, then blinked again. "Nevermind. Why did you lock me out of _my _apartment?"

"Why did you stop me from stalking Anthony Horowitz?"

Jade facepalmed. "Because," she hit a window, then hit another. "We had a plan. A plan to dominate the world."

Chopsticks frowned, then brightened suddenly. "You're hitting windows too, aren't you? Then you know I'm feeling. How could you!" she pouted at that last sentence. "You know you want to stalk him too!"

"I should ship you off to America to Ruby's fluffy~! ," Jade grumbled. "Yes. I do want to stalk him. And that's why we're keeping him alive, remember? So we can stalk him after we rule the world."

"But what if he's an accidental casualty, or something?" Chopsticks wails.

Jade froze. Then blinked. "Hm," she blinked again. "That seems to be a problem…"

* * *

_**Lily**_

THE MARAUDERS STRIKE AGAIN

The four words echoed and buzzed in Lily's ears until she couldn't hear herself think.

Eric Potter had been at her the whole morning about the memo prank and he had a loud voice.

All Lily thought about the situation, though, was, _why?_

If the Marauders were evil criminals as they appeared to be, _why_ would they pull a prank like this?

Lily shook her head to try to rid it of confusing thoughts. _Must be c)._

_

* * *

_

_**Jade & Chopsticks**_

"I don't care what you do with me, Jade!" shrieked Chopsticks into a Sony Ericsson phone. "Just make sure my awesome new white Reebok tennis shoes are factored in the picture!"

Sighing in annoyance, she hung up and disposed the phone into her pocket before strutting up to a door and knocking on it. Why did she have to follow Jade's orders? She wondered whether anyone would miss Anthony Horowitz if he just suddenly disappeared.

Surely Jade wouldn't mind…

* * *

**So, my dad was rambling about Jupiter and the moon...I wondered out loud, what starts with a J and ends with an E-R? **

**Brother number one answered: Jasper (who is the cutest baby cousin ever)**

**Brother number two said: ...juicemaker. Wut man?**

**What starts with an R, ends with an E-W?**


End file.
